influence – Paul Linzey

When it’s time to lay the eggs, a female butterfly searches for the appropriate host plant for her youngsters to grow up on. She instinctively knows that her hatchlings are limited as to what kind of plant they will eat, and places her eggs only on that plant.

When the caterpillars emerge from the eggs, they will stay on that particular host plant until they are adults who can fly. People who want to attract certain kinds of butterflies will do a little research to find out what that breed will eat, because the egg-laying butterfly won’t be fooled. For example, a Monarch eats only milkweed. A Viceroy has a few options: willow, poplar, aspen, apple, cherry, or plum. The Zebra Swallowtail needs pawpaw. And the Pearl Crescent is limited to asters. The list goes on and on, and is particular to each variety of butterfly.

The context for this discussion is Romans 12:1-2, so it may be helpful to understand that we are instructed not to conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). According to the extended metaphor of metamorphosis, the food we’re concerned about is what we’re feeding our minds, because that’s the point in this verse and in our day-to-day lives. It’s crucial that we select the appropriate “host plant” for our mind and spirit.

The kind of Butterfly Believer you are will determine what you feed on, where you spend your time, what you read, who you hang out with, and what you choose for entertainment. A few relevant questions include: “Who and what are you allowing to influence you?” “Are your choices helping you to be strong in your faith and more faithful as a follower of Christ?” “Are you developing a keen sense of discernment, or like the butterflies, a well-developed instinctive knowing what is right or wrong when it comes to feeding?”

The apostle Paul wrote to one congregation: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).

There is no “one size fits all” approach. What you do to care for and feed your mind and your spirit is extremely important, but also highly personal. Like the butterfly that looks for the right host plant to land on, you have to discover what works for you. And yet, you can also learn from others. As it says in Philippians 4:9, Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

The above is an excerpt from the book, Butterfly Believers.

Families have a powerful influence on you throughout your life. Parents, siblings, and extended family shape you, teach you, and help establish your values and worldview. A lot of people look like, sound like, and think like their parents, sometimes even the ways they laugh, sing, or walk. I read about some cities that have an annual father-son and mother-daughter look-alike contest, and the entries are fascinating. It takes just a few minutes on a computer to find some hilarious parent-child look-alikes.

Personal interests, skills, and education often come from parents. It’s pretty common for a child to grow up and go into the same line of work as mother or father. People tend to follow their parents’ preferences in politics and religion, too. It makes sense, because parents set the tone in the home their children grow up in, and what the kids experience there, usually becomes the norm.

There’s a short film about an interview with a Qantas Airline pilot whose son became a flier for the same airline. Steve Gist and his son, Taylor, eventually were assigned to fly together, with the dad as the lead pilot, and the son as the co-pilot. It’s a great story, demonstrating some of the ways kids learn skills, knowledge, interests, and even careers from their parents.

I know of preachers’ kids who become ministers, school teachers’ kids who go into education, athletes’ kids who play ball. The same happens with hobbies. In June 2011, two men (father and son) both scored their first-ever 300-point game at the same bowling alley during the same week.

When I was in high school, I played Lieutenant Joe Cable in the musical South Pacific. One of the songs was titled “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught.” According to lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II, we pick up hate and prejudice from our families.

We also learn how to behave in relationships from our families of origin, and that’s what brings us to this principle. You see, most of us don’t have very good role models when it comes to marriage. My wife and I both came from parents who had a pretty bad marriage, so when we got married, we didn’t know what to do. We loved each other, but didn’t know how to treat each other in positive ways, day after day.

When talking about letting one’s past influence the present, we often say the person is carrying some baggage. What we mean is, there’s been some pain, abuse, or failure in the past, and the person hasn’t finished dealing with it, letting go of it, healing from it, or forgiving the people involved. Whatever is in “the baggage” still has a negative impact on present-day relationships and attitudes.

Not all of the baggage we carry through life is painful or negative, though. In fact, sometimes it’s the good stuff in our past that gets in the way of building a good marriage. People who come from a good family often have just as much difficulty forming a new marriage, because of the influence of the parents.

The second Biblical Principle of Marriage is found in Genesis 2:24: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. I call this verse the Old Testament equivalent of Philippians 3:13-14, But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. The point of these scriptures is that in order to fully live in the present, you have to let go of the past.

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