Being Spiritual Together

church-4565590_1920Who you are as a couple can be infinitely more beautiful and wonderful when you are spiritual together. Every aspect of your relationship will be better. Your spirituality can include Bible reading, singing praise songs and hymns, praying, and going to church. Some couples fast, memorize Bible verses, and talk about the beauty in the world and the universe. There are many ways to pursue and develop spiritually. The important thing is to make a plan, and that you do it together.

When my wife and I were visiting some friends, the husband asked If I wanted to go to the grocery store with him to pick up a few items, so I did. He and his wife were relatively new Christians so in the car, I asked if he and his wife prayed together.

“No. We did that for a while, but we don’t anymore.”

“Why? What happened?”

“I got tired of her correcting my grammar when I’m talking to the Lord.”

He had a point. Praying or being spiritual together is hard enough. Instead of adding to the difficulty, you need to make it a safe experience by being supportive and accepting. The Lord understands your weaknesses and shortcomings, and he’s big enough to tolerate bad grammar.

I know some couples who correct each other’s theology when they’re praying together. Don’t do that. There may be other appropriate times to talk about theology, but not while you’re praying. God won’t send a lightning bolt if you accidentally say something wrong or misquote the scripture in your prayer. What’s important is that you’re praying together.

There are some cool benefits to being spiritual. You develop a sensitivity for one another. You’re more in sync mentally and emotionally. You’re stronger psychologically, and better able to handle life’s challenges and obstacles. You start knowing each other in a more comprehensive and more intimate way. Plus, you come to a deeper sense of unity with the Lord and with your spouse. Unity invites the presence of God, and ignites the power of God in your home.

You’ll also discover a greater inner security, joy, and fulfillment in your life. Your sex life will be better, and you’ll know first-hand what the apostle meant when he wrote in Philippians 4:7, the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Accompanying these discoveries will be an inner transformation of character, a connection with the God of the universe, and an ability to overcome temptations and personal weaknesses.

In summary, by growing spiritually, you are able to bring your best self to your mate. That is a priceless gift. And that’s when marriage truly becomes heaven on earth.

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Foundation for Marriage

condo-2618421_1920In 2008, developers built some high-rise condos on the South Texas Coast. Ocean Tower was supposed to provide luxurious amenities and beautiful views, but it didn’t take long for the entire structure to begin to sink, and then tilt, with wide cracks in the concrete support system.

According to an old Turkish proverb, “A building without a foundation is soon demolished.” The foundation wasn’t prepared well enough, and the whole project had to be destroyed after more than seventy-five million dollars had been invested.

The famous, leaning bell tower in Pisa, Italy, on the other hand, stood straight for five years before the 14,500-ton structure began to sink. It managed to survive, but as we all know, there is a serious slant.

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In Matthew chapter seven, Jesus talks about the importance of a foundation for a home. But, just like in Proverbs 24:3-4, what he’s really talking about is people, and in this case, the need for an inner, spiritual foundation.

Couples who want their marriage to survive storms and shifting sands, need to make sure they have a foundation that will last a lifetime.

Several years ago, my wife and I did a short-term missions trip to Budapest, Hungary, teaching a three-week intensive class at the Hungarian Bible college, and preaching at churches in and around the city. Our hosts were a missionary family that allowed us to stay in an upstairs bedroom in their home.

Looking out a second-story window, we noticed the neighbors were building another home on their property, immediately behind the main house. The missionaries explained that it was customary for children to grow up and live on the same property as their parents. The new building was for their son, who was about to get married. The foundation was already in place, and every day, we came back to the house, looked out the window, and followed the progress. We watched the walls grow higher as new rows of bricks were added.

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God’s plan for marriage is vastly different from the typical concept of marriage in the world today. Rather than a battle zone, marriage is designed to be peaceful. Rather than causing you pain, it can be a source of profound healing. Rather than a selfish coexistence, a good marriage is a loving couple coming together to help and encourage one another. Rather than a ball and chain, marriage liberates you to reach your goals and see your dreams come true. Rather than a hell, marriage can be a heaven on earth. And, rather than a temporary arrangement, marriage is best when it takes you through all phases of life . . . together.

For that to happen, however, the relationship has to be built on a solid foundation. It’s time to get started establishing a WisdomBuilt home that will last a lifetime.

Having Fun Together as a Couple

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

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Courtauld CafeThey liked each other as soon as they met, so they started dating. They did all kinds of fun things. They saw movies and went to concerts. They both liked to ski, loved the same music, and enjoyed talking about the Bible. They had fun together. They laughed often. They made life feel good for anyone who was around. It was obvious to them and their friends that they were meant to be together, so they got married. They were best friends.

After the wedding, they settled into their new life together, and the dating gradually stopped. Life got serious, and they forgot the importance of having fun together.

Almost every time I ask an engaged couple what drew them together and what they like about each other, invariably their answer is that they are best friends. They have fun together, they laugh together, and they want to be together all the time.

People are wired for fun, to enjoy life. We love to laugh, experience new things, and have adventures. We tend to gravitate toward people who are fun to be with, who want to do things we like to do. When a couple keeps on having fun together, their marriage tends to stay fresh, they continue to like each other, and they don’t have to look elsewhere for satisfaction. But when a couple stops having fun together, their marriage is headed for trouble.

Why is this the case? Simply because having fun is one of the top three major areas of fulfillment in human experience. People everywhere need spiritual fulfillment. There is a strong, almost universal desire for sexual fulfillment. And everyone needs to have fun in order to enjoy life. When you combine spirituality, sexuality, and fun, you create a life that is deeply satisfying and meaningful. When you do that in your marriage, the result is an amazing marriage and home life.

popcorn-1433326_1920Think back to the time just before you got married. Can you remember the things you did together? Who planned the dates? Where did you go? Did you have fun together?

While My wife and I were dating, we would go to a movie, spend an afternoon at a park, or go to the beach. We played miniature golf, hung out with friends, and played tennis. We played cards with her family, spent a lot of time talking, and went to church. One time, we had a midnight picnic with another couple. The event was planned by the ladies, and was a lot of fun.

After marriage, things begin to change. You finish school, look for jobs, have a few kids, get into debt, and life gets serious and heavy. It seems there’s no time or energy or interest in having fun anymore. Some couples just don’t have enough money.

It’s important, however, that you build fun into your lifestyle. You have to balance the seriousness and responsibility with lightheartedness and fun. You have to make time to play, and you need to do it together, not just with other people.

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This Book Is a Winner!

I highly recommend WisdomBuilt Biblical Principles of Marriage. This practical and readable volume will enrich and strengthen marriage relationships. What makes this such a relevant book is the way Paul integrates insights from current research and the best of psychological studies—underscoring the reality that “all truth is God’s truth.” This will be valuable for any couple to read and study together as they strive for a healthy relationship. And, for church leaders wanting a great small group resource to enhance the marriages in their congregations, this book is a winner!

RIch Guerra

Rich Guerra, Superintendent, SoCal Network, Assemblies of God