Author: Paul Linzey

Through writing and public speaking, we provide coaching, mentoring, and discipleship.
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Having Fun Together as a Couple

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

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Courtauld CafeThey liked each other as soon as they met, so they started dating. They did all kinds of fun things. They saw movies and went to concerts. They both liked to ski, loved the same music, and enjoyed talking about the Bible. They had fun together. They laughed often. They made life feel good for anyone who was around. It was obvious to them and their friends that they were meant to be together, so they got married. They were best friends.

After the wedding, they settled into their new life together, and the dating gradually stopped. Life got serious, and they forgot the importance of having fun together.

Almost every time I ask an engaged couple what drew them together and what they like about each other, invariably their answer is that they are best friends. They have fun together, they laugh together, and they want to be together all the time.

People are wired for fun, to enjoy life. We love to laugh, experience new things, and have adventures. We tend to gravitate toward people who are fun to be with, who want to do things we like to do. When a couple keeps on having fun together, their marriage tends to stay fresh, they continue to like each other, and they don’t have to look elsewhere for satisfaction. But when a couple stops having fun together, their marriage is headed for trouble.

Why is this the case? Simply because having fun is one of the top three major areas of fulfillment in human experience. People everywhere need spiritual fulfillment. There is a strong, almost universal desire for sexual fulfillment. And everyone needs to have fun in order to enjoy life. When you combine spirituality, sexuality, and fun, you create a life that is deeply satisfying and meaningful. When you do that in your marriage, the result is an amazing marriage and home life.

popcorn-1433326_1920Think back to the time just before you got married. Can you remember the things you did together? Who planned the dates? Where did you go? Did you have fun together?

While My wife and I were dating, we would go to a movie, spend an afternoon at a park, or go to the beach. We played miniature golf, hung out with friends, and played tennis. We played cards with her family, spent a lot of time talking, and went to church. One time, we had a midnight picnic with another couple. The event was planned by the ladies, and was a lot of fun.

After marriage, things begin to change. You finish school, look for jobs, have a few kids, get into debt, and life gets serious and heavy. It seems there’s no time or energy or interest in having fun anymore. Some couples just don’t have enough money.

It’s important, however, that you build fun into your lifestyle. You have to balance the seriousness and responsibility with lightheartedness and fun. You have to make time to play, and you need to do it together, not just with other people.

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This Book Is a Winner!

I highly recommend WisdomBuilt Biblical Principles of Marriage. This practical and readable volume will enrich and strengthen marriage relationships. What makes this such a relevant book is the way Paul integrates insights from current research and the best of psychological studies—underscoring the reality that “all truth is God’s truth.” This will be valuable for any couple to read and study together as they strive for a healthy relationship. And, for church leaders wanting a great small group resource to enhance the marriages in their congregations, this book is a winner!

RIch Guerra

Rich Guerra, Superintendent, SoCal Network, Assemblies of God

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“A Superior Resource for Couples”

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I recommend WisdomBuilt Biblical Principles of Marriage without hesitation, and am grateful to have a copy for use in assisting couples in staying together and staying happy. I often work with marriages in deep distress. Many resources offer help, but are theoretical or “ivory tower” perspectives that lack the valuable element of Biblical Truth and proven experience. WisdomBuilt is a superior resource for couples.

Dr. Linzey builds a solid foundation from Scripture, then adds constructive material which offers wisdom for building a strong and healthy marriage, a lasting relationship, and answers for marital problems. He and his wife, Linda, use their experiences and prayer-saturated victories to provide principles for building a marriage that will last a lifetime. They offer Godly wisdom which will help any couple renew their love, revive respect, and maintain a strong relationship. I am confident this book will be extremely helpful. Dr. Linzey has my blessing to offer himself and his material to our pastors and congregations.

Terry Raburn, Superintendent, Peninsular Florida District, Assemblies of God

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Waited for this Book 2 Years!

Kaylin & MackIt seems as if we’ve been waiting for this book for 2 years! Finally got it in the mail today and we cannot wait to start reading it. These two are the real deal when it comes to marriage and we’ve been so blessed to have them as mentors!

If your marriage is great or if your marriage is struggling, I cannot recommend this book enough . . .

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Digging Into It Together

Brook & MindyMy wife ordered my dear friend Paul Linzey’s recently published book, WisdomBuilt Biblical Principles of Marriage. I just finished it and I’m thoroughly enlightened and blessed by it. I highly recommend it, not only because he’s my friend, but because it truly is an outstanding read. His insights are well-founded, rooted in Scriptural principles as well as his many years of experience as a pastor, and a military chaplain. His University of Tampa MFA in Creative Writing has surely paid off. Mindy and I will be digging into this together.

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The Chemistry of Love

Experts researching the biology and chemistry of falling in love and falling out of love have discovered there is a 2-year cycle of attraction, that is largely hormonal and chemical. What we call falling in love is the rush of hormones and chemicals that bring an excitement, arousal, happiness, and energy. You feel so good when you’re with the new lover, or even when thinking about him or her. It’s intoxicating.

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This image comes from https://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm.

Then after about two years, that chemical/hormonal cocktail begins to lose its effect. You don’t feel the same, and you wonder what went wrong in the relationship, why you fell out of love.

George Strait recorded a song titled I Ain’t Her Cowboy Anymore about a guy whose lover is leaving, and he has no clue what he did wrong . . . or whether he did anything wrong at all.

The answer? Nothing went wrong. There’s a normal cycle that’s part of developing a mature relationship. Yes, it’s ignited by the passion and the internal chemistry, but then you have to build your marriage on a solid foundation so when the newness wears off, you don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “Oh we’re not in love anymore. It’s just not meant to be. Maybe I married the wrong person.”

Happy Brown Couple

The plan is to fall madly in love, and then take the time and the effort to install the relationship values, skills, and patterns that’ll take you through every phase of married life . . . Happy and together.

Let’s simplify things here. There are two goals in marriage: stay together, and stay happy. Easy to say; tough to do. You need wisdom if you want to reach those goals.

Proverbs 24:3-4 says, A house is built by wisdom, and it is established by understanding; by knowledge the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure.

When the proverb uses the word house or home, it’s really talking about the people and the relationships in the home. A house is built by wisdom, means developing a great relationship requires wisdom. And filling its rooms with every precious and beautiful treasure is what every couple, family, and household should be trying to do.

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You’ve got to build your house in such a way that you discover the beauty, the grandeur, and the treasures God has for you. In the same way every home is decorated differently, no two marriages will look and feel the same. Your relationship will be unique because you are one-of-a-kind, but you can learn how to bring out the best in yourself, your partner, and your coupleness.

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2nd Anniversary

Roger & Michelle 2

This weekend we celebrated our 2nd Anniversary (seems like so many more to both of us). Such a beautiful weekend, filled with walks, iced coffee at our favorite beach, romantic dinner in town, and lots of downtime just cuddling and being together. Never before have I felt so loved and so cherished. I ADORE this man.

Today our marriage books arrived, hot off the press, authored by my dear Uncle (also the one who married us). I love the way my Aunt and Uncle live life together; I have always looked up to them and admired the marriage they’ve built. Looking forward to diving in to those books. Awe yes… I am BLESSED.

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Will We Ever Be Happy?

Falling in love is a wonderful experience. You’re on top of the world, and you feel like you’re the luckiest person in the world, hoping it’ll last forever.

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Then it starts to change.

At first it just doesn’t feel the same. Then comes the pain, followed by the realization that it’s over. Soon, you’re singing the oldie from the Carpenters, Goodbye to Love.

Too many marriages in the United States end in divorce, and many of those who stay together aren’t happy. The burning question is this. What are you and your spouse going to do to make sure you stay together and are happy?

After we’d been married five years, my wife and I came to a point where life was hard. We didn’t have enough money to pay the bills. She was stuck at home with a toddler and an infant. She noticed that I invested a lot more time, energy, and thought in my work than I gave to our marriage. We were both dissatisfied and unhappy. We weren’t getting enough sleep. Stress was high. We got angry easily, and didn’t laugh much. We also discovered that men and women speak different languages. She was too emotional, and I was too insensitive.

One day, I came home from work and my wife met me in the kitchen. Without hesitation, she blurted out, “Are we ever going to be happy again? Will our marriage ever be good again?”

I told her, “I think so, sweetheart. I’m not sure, but I think so.”

It would have been easy to throw in the towel and call it quits. Just as easy to start blaming, accusing, and getting angry with each other. Or maybe even look elsewhere for love and affection, and have an affair.

But we didn’t do that. Instead, we decided to do our best to be kind to each other, treat each other right, and see what happened.

Eventually, the joy did return. We got through that dark time, and we’re glad we did. But we needed to help each other through the process.

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When the Lights Go Out

It was Friday night, we’d gone out for dinner, and barely made it back into the garage before the downpour.

When the power went off, I was writing at my computer and my wife was reading an ebook on her tablet. The plan was to watch a movie a little later, but there we were with no electricity, no lights, no internet, and no television.

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“What do we do now,” she asked.

I reached into the desk drawer for the flashlight that doubles as a cell phone power source, plugged in my phone, and turned on the mobile hotspot so we could maintain internet connection. Then I walked over to the kitchen pantry where we keep two battery-operated camping lanterns, pulled one out, and placed it on the kitchen counter, where its light sprayed throughout the kitchen, dining room, and living room. Not a lot, but enough.

Lights On

For the next hour, rain poured from the sky as if God had picked up the Atlantic Ocean and was dumping it on us. Linda took the lantern over to the couch to read; my laptop had plenty of charge for me to finish the work I was doing.

Although the rest of the house was dark, and the temperature grew warmer because the air conditioner was off, we didn’t have a crisis when the lights went out. During the previous weekend, we had checked the batteries in those emergency lamps and charged my mobile power back-up. Because we were ready, there was no emergency when the storm caused a blackout. We didn’t panic, and there wasn’t a crisis.

The same can be true if something terrible happens and life itself comes to an end. If we’ve taken time to prepare in advance, even death isn’t a crisis, and we don’t have to panic.

In Philippians 1:21 the Apostle writes, “to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” That doesn’t sound like a man who is afraid of the dark or of death. He was prepared for whatever might happen.

Job is another who had a deep confidence when facing the storms of life. Despite all the pain and ugliness that he faced, he still declared, “I know that my Redeemer lives” (Job 19:25).

When the lights finally came back on, we watched an old Alfred Hitchcock movie starring James Stewart and Doris Day. It was a lovely evening—despite the storm raging on the outside.

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Look What Amazon Delivered

Jeff and Barbara posted this picture on Facebook with a note that said, “Look what Amazon delivered today! We’re looking forward to reading it together. We’ve always been grateful for the wisdom you shared with us in the past. PS How do we get this autographed?”

Jeff & Barb Hall Pic Holding WisdomBuilt

My good friends and I used to work together, once upon a time, and amazingly, they STILL decided to get the book. Since they’re in Utah and I’m in Florida, we’ll figure out how to get together, go out for dinner, and do a personalized, one-on-one book signing. I love you guys, and hope you enjoy the book.