Experts researching the biology and chemistry of falling in love and falling out of love have discovered there is a 2-year cycle of attraction, that is largely hormonal and chemical. What we call falling in love is the rush of hormones and chemicals that bring an excitement, arousal, happiness, and energy. You feel so good when you’re with the new lover, or even when thinking about him or her. It’s intoxicating.
This image comes from https://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm.
Then after about two years, that chemical/hormonal cocktail begins to lose its effect. You don’t feel the same, and you wonder what went wrong in the relationship, why you fell out of love.
George Strait recorded a song titled I Ain’t Her Cowboy Anymore about a guy whose lover is leaving, and he has no clue what he did wrong . . . or whether he did anything wrong at all.
The answer? Nothing went wrong. There’s a normal cycle that’s part of developing a mature relationship. Yes, it’s ignited by the passion and the internal chemistry, but then you have to build your marriage on a solid foundation so when the newness wears off, you don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “Oh we’re not in love anymore. It’s just not meant to be. Maybe I married the wrong person.”
The plan is to fall madly in love, and then take the time and the effort to install the relationship values, skills, and patterns that’ll take you through every phase of married life . . . Happy and together.
Let’s simplify things here. There are two goals in marriage: stay together, and stay happy. Easy to say; tough to do. You need wisdom if you want to reach those goals.
Proverbs 24:3-4 says, A house is built by wisdom, and it is established by understanding; by knowledge the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure.
When the proverb uses the word house or home, it’s really talking about the people and the relationships in the home. A house is built by wisdom, means developing a great relationship requires wisdom. And filling its rooms with every precious and beautiful treasure is what every couple, family, and household should be trying to do.
You’ve got to build your house in such a way that you discover the beauty, the grandeur, and the treasures God has for you. In the same way every home is decorated differently, no two marriages will look and feel the same. Your relationship will be unique because you are one-of-a-kind, but you can learn how to bring out the best in yourself, your partner, and your coupleness.
3 Replies to “The Chemistry of Love”
Thanks… Very well written. I am sure that lots of research might have gone through the early stages.
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Thanks for your response, Ravi, and your compliment. You’re right. It takes a whole lot of research to discover this stuff. There are some pretty smart people in this world!
Reblogged this on marshastephenson and commented:
Paul Linsey is a talented author I met through Lakeland Christian Writers. This is a great Blog! Falling in love is easy. It’s building a lifelong healthy relationship that is possible with love, wisdom, and Jesus at the center.